2012 Nepal – Eunice Lee

Knowing WHOSE You Are

John 15:16 – “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”

I realized that the key to getting to know the REAL me is to first get to know the REAL Him. “A always comes before B…” this order doesn’t change. My Nepal team leader, Pastor John-Michael, made the entire team memorize a list of “Identities in Christ” before the trip, but little did I know I was going to leave it with having a much better sense of who I really am in Christ.

Two weeks before we leave for Nepal during our team meeting, John-Michael goes through the team roles and gets to me last. “… And Eunice… you are going to be the VBS leader, performance director, and preacher.” I remember thinking “oh okay…” to myself, but immediately thinking I didn’t hear that last role right. I was shocked but not so shocked… nervous but not so nervous. Because in the back of my mind, I knew God was going to throw a surprise bomb like that on me. Strangely enough, the moment JM tells me I am going to be preaching, an immense wave of peace and confidence just takes over. I don’t even know where it comes from, but I respond in a way that I never thought I would—I feel assurance. It’s usually not like me to be so calm when I hear things like that…so I know these feelings definitely have to be from God. The words I kept hearing from Him for the rest of that night was “I believe in you… or else, I wouldn’t have chosen you in the first place.”

A week goes by and I’m already turning in the outline of my first sermon. Another week goes by and I’m on the pulpit of a small and cozy church in Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal. A few hours before I head to that church, I am in my hotel room getting a strange urge to revamp my already-prepared sermon, as team members Jaehee and Matt get ready to come with me. When we arrive, I realize that the church congregation actually consists of 90% children and 10% young adults. Getting a little nervous because I don’t expect to preach to a “Sunday Bible School” type of crowd, I quickly rewrite my entire sermon during the praise time and tailor it more towards children. Then Pastor Mohan, the head of the church, and his wife, Nista Samonim, welcome me up to the front … and there I go, preaching my first sermon. I have to say, I wasn’t the least bit nervous. Also, just knowing that the Holy Spirit was with me the whole time made me realize WHOSE VOICE I had inside of me—and it definitely wasn’t mine. Afterwards, we got to pray and bless all the head pastors and their wives. Overall, the visit to that church turns out to be an incredible time of ministry and sweet blessings.

After knowing WHOSE voice I had, I had an experience that led me to realize WHOSE hands I had now…Towards the latter part of our trip, my team and I take a 7-hour van ride through the Himalayan Mountains to minister at a passionate church in Hetauda, a more rural area outside of Kathmandu. We get to the revival service and have a powerful time of waiting for God’s “rain” to fall during the ministry time after the sermon. After over thirty minutes of waiting pass by, the keyboardist suddenly lets out a deep cry from his belly; and immediately, other people follow by letting out their deep cries as well. It was so incredible and nothing like I’ve ever seen before, though the long waiting time did stretch and test so much of our faith.

After the end of the service, my team and the church pastors make a “fire tunnel” for the entire congregation to go through. If you don’t know what a fire tunnel is, it’s where people walk through a “tunnel” formed by people and receive prayers of blessing as they walk through it. Towards the end, an old grandma comes through but is barely able to walk. Immediately, I run to her, take her by her hands, and walk her through the tunnel. Then she points to her hands and asks me to pray for them because they hurt. So I look around and grab my fellow team member, David Ahn, to come join me in prayer for her healing. Afterwards, her hands get healed! But then she points to her knees and the translator says they painfully lock up all the time. So we pray for where it hurts and tell Pastor BP, the National Director of NPWM Nepal, to ask her if she feels any better. He says a couple other things and then before you know it, the grandma starts running to the other side of the church! Awestruck and utterly confused, I really just don’t know what to say at that moment. Here was a grandma who could barely walk through a tunnel and now she’s sprinting to the other side of the room! Later on, I find out that Pastor BP commanded her faith to rise and told her to run at the count of three. She said she couldn’t at first, but then he insisted on her to go for it—and behold, she was 100% healed and running now!

Looking back now, I realize that Pastor BP exemplifies the kind of faith that comes out from knowing that Jesus performed healing miracles in the Bible; therefore, why can’t we? God is Jehovah Rapha, meaning “the God who heals,” and we are called to do greater works than Him. So by simply knowing who He is, and then knowing that we come from that same place of authority, leads us to perform miracles like the one I witnessed with that grandma!

Lastly, I want to mention that this trip took a more personal turn for me in terms of how I was doing emotionally and spiritually. Satan really had a “field day” with my identity and led me into all sorts of deception. I started feeling like I was incapable, inadequate, insecure, and a disappointment. This was why it was so hard for me to receive affirmations from my teammates throughout the trip—because I really couldn’t accept nor believe who they were saying I was. They were seeing me the way God saw me, yet I insisted on thinking the contrary, which totally blinded me from my true identity in Christ. So, there were definitely tough times throughout the first half of the trip, where I would enter into my own world through the slipping on of earphones and saunter off by myself during any free chance I had. However, God didn’t let me mope around for too long. It was during one of the last mornings where we had some personal quiet time, so I went outside to soak in His presence. I remember “God of the Redeemed” by Bethel Live was playing on my iPod as I was leading myself through a mini “healing & deliverance session” from all the false identities I had claimed over myself. After I had confessed and repented, I heard God clearly say, “Okay get ready, cus now I’m going to bless you…”

Right at that moment, I began to shake and couldn’t move. Then, I saw a vision of my body being lifted up and taken into the sky, with my flesh disintegrating and my spirit bursting and shining through it. Suddenly, I found myself in a beautiful, white, porcelain room shriveled up in a corner. Right then, I saw Jesus come towards me and gently take me out of it. He asked why I was there and I sheepishly explained it was because I saw myself as all these worthless identities. Then, He actually rebuked every identity that I thought I was, and started “affirmation bombing” me by telling me a laundry list of who I REALLY was. “You are bold… you have character… you are secure… you are adequate…you are steadfast” The list just went on and on… and I could feel my spirit strengthening itself at that very moment. Then, God told me to open my right hand, because He was going to put fire in it—and that’s when I started feeling sensational tingling on it. It was because He wanted me to minister with it during the revival service we were about to go to. Eventually, I was able to break out of the “heavenly visitation” after about 15 minutes, and then head into the van.

Can I just say that I felt more sure of who I was then, than I have ever had at any other time in my life? I’ve never felt so whole, so in one piece, and so solidified. I guess that’s what Heaven’s supposed to feel like… when you are at the fullest of all that you can be. The whole experience was simply amazing. God had brought me back to the basics of my true identity again—before it was tainted, torn apart, and misunderstood. And now that I know WHOSE I really am, I am able to act and minister in a way based on who He has truly called me to be.

Him first, then Me… “A always comes before B”… and this order never changes.

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