2010 Indonesia – West Papua – David Kang

Oxen Make a Mess

 

“SHOW ME THE MONEY.” This was Rod Tidwell yelling at Jerry Maguire, his football agent. Rod Tidwell forgot that he was playing football because he loved it. Instead, he became all about the money. Before my mission trip, I had an attitude of “SHOW ME THE SIGNS.” I made a long list of things to do in Indonesia. My agenda in West Papua included to pray for a bunch of people and watch them fall under the power of God. Followed by several signs and wonders. I also wanted our team to pray for the sick and see crazy healings. I expected to hop from church to church while repeating the same procedures. Show me the “Open Heaven,” since that was the theme of our mission trip. If things went according to plan, I would feel great about myself.

This attitude put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. I put pressure on myself to see people get healed, or baptized in the Spirit. If at the end of the day, if my stats were 0 healings, 0 people slain, 0 salvations, it would be demoralizing. During one of the services, fire did not fall. I was recording video footage and I noticed no one was manifesting (falling to the ground, laughing out loud, and other things of that nature). I felt very unsatisfied. I was asking God, “What’s going on? Where are the signs?” God was asking me if I only feel happy when I see ministry happen the way I want it to happen. God then began to show me people at the altar. Although they weren’t getting hit with fire, He was showing me how he was bringing inner healing for all the people that were repenting of witchcraft or unforgiveness. I was able to see what the Father was doing, and as a son I blessed what God was doing. It can be stressful when you put an expectation on yourself to see fire fall through your prayer. You begin to pray louder and strive harder. But going out as a son is enjoyable and stress-free. There is no pressure to perform or to put on a show.

Another pressure that I put on myself was to be HOLY. I look at the leaders around me at church and I can’t help but look at their crazy gifts and talents. A part of me wants to be like them. Even on our team, I see anointed people and I feel pressure to do ministry like them. But God was showing me to be me. Christ in me the hope of all glory. So when I am myself, Christ is seen. Not when I try to be like Brady, or Christian, or John Neufeld. God is teaching me that my ministry looks a lot different than others. God was teaching me to just be led by the Spirit and be myself. I saw immediate fruit when I was ministering by being myself. I was able to connect and share a lot with our translator, Yusef. While loving on him and joking around with him, I saw him open up. We shared testimonies and later the entire team got to pray for him. He was hit with the fire and got a vision from God. He went from someone who was just following our team and falling asleep during our services, to praying for people with passion and even healing the sick.

God did show me the signs. Not because I strived for it but because God loves His children. I saw the signs happen for the people of West Papua and even on our team. It was beautiful. But God also showed me a lot more of His love. I learned to go out as a son. God was teaching me to stop striving, and not to be motivated by the signs. I was learning to go out in love and to bless what the Father was doing… all while being myself. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. I am free to be me. In conclusion, oxen make a mess.

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