2010 Indonesia – Jakarta – Hyoju Park

Believing In Who I Am

 

This was my first mission trip with New Philadelphia Church since I started coming out here in January 2010. I wanted to see God working in the land of Indonesia but I got scared at first. Would I be able to do well? I would be a burden to the team because of my communication skills? I kept having worries endlessly. But as always, God gave confirmation in different ways, and I grabbed His hand. This was how the Lord led me to Indonesia.

Would God really work through me? This was the hardest thing for me to believe. I knew God would definitely work through other team members but I thought I was not quite there yet. I couldn’t get rid of the thought that I was still a baby Christian since I got saved at 18. I needed to know God’s words better and I felt that the gifts that God gave me were too small. God kept on speaking to me about sonship ever since I came to New Philly, yet I was still unsure. But God never pushed me. He led me slowly yet surely and gently.

In Indonesia there was an old lady that God wanted me to pray for. When she saw me, she started to pound her chest with a hand that had no fingers. She couldn’t speak any English and I couldn’t speak any Indonesian. But I asked her if her chest hurt and she kept nodding and making prayer gestures to me, showing that she wanted prayer. I laid hands on the place she pointed out and I stared praying. My prayers were simple. “God, I know you like to heal your people. You are who you are. God of power, Jehovah Rafa, come and work in her.” While I was praying, the lady started to shake. She sat down and she started to hit her knee and bending it, and then she smiled at me. I was confused. I thought she had chest pains but her knee? I thought I did something wrong. I started thinking my prayers didn’t work and that I should apologize to the lady for praying incorrectly. So I asked the Indonesian pastor about her condition. He asked her and later I was able to hear an amazing story. That afternoon the message of the sermon was about forgiveness and she was holding an unforgiveness towards her son. But while she was praying, the hatred towards her son was gone and the moment she forgave him, her knee problem was completely healed. I was dumbfounded when I heard this story and God was smiling at me, saying, “Look, this is me.”

God kept on working after the confirmation that He was working through me. During the preparation for missions, God told me that He would use my voice and my tears, but as always I didn’t understand what that meant. Nevertheless, I followed what He said even though I didn’t understand all of it. When God wanted me to hug someone while I was praying, I gave that person a hug, when He wanted me to sing songs of heaven, I lifted up my voice. When He told me to cry, I cried. Frankly, I don’t like it when God makes me cry because tears seemed like a sign of weakness. I had regrets when I prayed for someone and I cried a lot. I complained to God that I didn’t want to cry because I wanted people to have joy instead of tears. But He worked through my tears just as He promised. I didn’t know that through tears, people were coming to God brokenhearted- there was a huge anointing flowing. God used these tears which felt weak, to tear down the walls that blocked the person from Him. I saw people getting set free through tears. The tears washed over their wounds, and God filled that place with His peace. Crying for the sons and daughters with the Father’s heart also became a way for me to be intimate with God.

There was also a prayer time for the heavenly praises to be opened. The Lord wanted everyone to know the power of praise and have access to that power. At that moment the Lord was telling me to pray strongly that people’s ears and lips would be open. “Help those hear the heavenly songs that you can hear, help those sing the heavenly songs that you can sing.” God was saying that so strongly to me that I didn’t hesitate. I started declaring and blessing with praises of the ears and lips of the student that was standing in front of me. That moment, the girl started to sing holy praises. She was singing a new song, different from mine but we were praising the same God. He opened the ears and lips of other students as well and the sanctuary was filled with songs of heaven. They told me that they had never heard or sang the songs that they had just lifted up and they looked confused. I encouraged them to keep on spreading the heavenly praises in this land as God encouraged me.

Granted, there was a bit of warfare in Indonesia. I had a lot of nightmares and sometimes sleep paralysis. I was becoming physically weak and it felt difficult. However, the messages God spoke though the preacher’s lips were beautiful every time. That was why I couldn’t stop or hesitate despite the attacks. I thought God was using only a small bit of holiness and diligence that was inside of me. But I was wrong. God used me for all that I am. When I saw people crying, falling down, ears and lips being open, I thought, “Wow God even uses me, even when 3 years ago I thought I didn’t need Jesus.” When I think about it, I also had ears to listen to God, lips to speak God’s words, eyes to see God’s plan and hands that had God’s power. God was always ready but I was the one who was always hesitating. However, God never pushed or forced me and always waited patiently for me. He waited until I believed in myself and he gently led me. Now I believe in myself who God trusted from the beginning. Now I know what to do and how to do it. And God tells me I am ready. I think it’s my turn to reply back. Yes God, I am ready.

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